The Fabric of Happiness
by Londoncalling89
Summary: Married life is all fun and games until someone gets into trouble.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I think, perhaps, I should stop claiming to be one of those writers who actually finishes writing something. I do have good intentions of actually finishing my other stories at some point, however we all know what they say about good intentions…please read and review as it keeps me going! And of course the habitual and legally important I don't own these characters, if I did the show would be on HBO not ITV!**

After three months of marriage Charles Carson was beginning to believe he had gotten the whole thing down to a science. In fact, reflecting on his fears prior to marriage he found them all to be complete unfounded now. He had worried, that perhaps, the joining of two souls would create a sudden need to create another world in which the then joined-in-holy-matrimony entity would exist. He had found however that life at Downton as the stern butler and the kindly housekeeper was going just as well as it had before.

They would both rise at their normal hour, now however he found that upon waking he would receive several sweet kisses and a rather enjoyable show as his wife lifted her night dress above her head and prepared for the day ahead. They had breakfast as they usually did, sitting next to one another and chatting casually. When crisis above stairs occurred Carson was notified to swoop down and put things to right, while crisis downstairs sprung Mrs. Carson to her feet to save the day.

After dinner they would sip left over wine in her sitting room while discussing the day. Then when the downstairs and upstairs were quiet and all the mice in their beds they would slowly climb the many stairs to the safe haven of their rooms.

There behind closed and locked doors they could enjoy being truly alone. They would change into their night clothes and sit side by side in bed reading their various books. Though usually after fifteen minutes or so Mrs. Carson would reach a gentle hand over and softly caress her husband's arm. After a few moments his hand would come up and his fingers would entwine with hers, his thumb gently rubbing against the soft skin of her hand. Then without thought their bodies would be entwined as they enjoyed the fruits of their many years of smoldering romance. The pendulum of time and age would swing over them as lips pushed against skin and thighs encircled thrusting hips. Sated and satisfied they would fall into a blissful slumber, only to awaken the next day and repeat the events.

Yes Charles Carson had gotten his life down to a pleasant routine and as he sat on his bed watching his wife shuffle off towards the bathroom he smiled at the thought of all their happy years yet to come.

By breakfast however, life as a married man became very very complicated.

Sitting in their usual seats Carson quietly ate his breakfast as Mrs. Carson sipped her tea. When suddenly a loud thundering crash came from the direction of the kitchen followed by a red faced Mrs. Patmore.

"Mrs. Carson that silly kitchen girl has dropped another serving dish and this time I think she's nearly taken a finger off with it! We'll need to call Dr. Clarkson right away." Mrs. Patmore huffed.

"Mrs. Patmore, why is it your kitchen maids keep insisting on dropping things on a weekly basis!" Carson replied, his face turning red as his anger boiled over.

"Mr. Carson," Mrs. Carson said, "I doubt anyone intends to break anything in this house. Especially a kitchen maid." Trying to placate her husband's anger she gently reached over and placed her hand on his arm. In Carson's anger at the situation and alarm at such an unfamiliar touch at the dining table he quickly pulled his arm away as though it had been burned. Getting up quickly he left muttering about calling the doctor for such a stupid thing.

Mrs. Carson sat in shock. She hadn't expected such a reaction from her husband of now several months. When they were alone such touches were not unwelcome by him, in fact they were very much desired more often than not. She shook herself slightly and resolved to remove the shock from her face as she rose to attend to the injured girl. However the damage had been done as Mrs. Patmore and most everyone at the table had noticed the strange display. Mrs. Carson's cheeks burned red as she left the room in a hurry.


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow they managed to avoid each other for the rest of the day. Though not intentionally on either parties part, it just seemed to work out that they barely passed in the hallway let alone paused to speak to each other. Ever since his marriage, Lady Mary had become much needier than before. While Carson tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, proclaiming to his wife at night that Lady Mary was used to things being done properly and refused to let standards slack, he secretly knew the young lady of the house was trying to make sure Carson still had room for her in his life.

Mrs. Carson found herself spending most of the day in the store cupboard taking detailed stock of all its contents. When she did hear Carson's telltale footsteps down the hallway she was knee deep in the back of the cupboard and decided it would not be worth the hassle to confront him at the present moment. If she thought about it she was still rather hurt by his actions and a discussion now was more likely to lead to a heated argument than a resolution.

At dinner the two heads of staff sat down next to each other for the first time since the incident at breakfast. Carson looked at his wife with a worried expression, trying to silently convey to her his sorrow at his actions and his hopes for forgiveness. Mrs. Carson was about to give her husband a soft smile to let him know that all would be well however before she was able to Anna came in and announced that one of the children had fallen ill and Lady Grantham requested Mrs. Carson to come to the nursery and assist. By the time she had returned to the servants hall dinner had been finished and Carson was gone again serving the family.

As Carson stood at attention in the corner of the room he couldn't help but worry. He knew he had upset his wife with his actions earlier. And while he tried and tried to reason why he had pulled away so quickly he couldn't seem to come upon a solution. It didn't make any sense. He loved his wife, very much. And certainly he craved her touch almost every minute of every day. So why then would such a simply act of a hand on his arm set him so completely off kilter. As he tried to reconcile his emotions and his actions he suddenly realized that everyone in the room was looking at him and the dowager countess was tapping her foot unhappily. It was going to be a long night.

Mrs. Carson sat quietly in her sitting room, casually eating the remains of her earlier dinner looking over the final inventory list. It was getting close to the time of night when her handsome husband would join her for a night cap before they went to bed. She had been replaying the events of the morning over and over again in her head and had finally decided that she was upset over nothing. He had just been startled and had reacted inappropriately. They would simply sit down, discuss it as they did everything else and all would be right.

Hesitantly he knocked on her sitting room door.

"Come in." She said, capping her pen and turning to find him in the doorway. "Hello." She said happily, trying to ease his mind and let him know that everything would be okay.

"Hello." He said, "It seems like I've hardly seen you all day."

"I was thinking the same thing, please sit down." She said gesturing towards his usual chair.

"I'm afraid I don't feel well and I'm going to head up to bed now. I just wanted to wish you a good night before I did." He said.

"Oh, well I can come up now if you'd like-"

"No," he said a little too quickly, "I mean if you were planning on going up now then certainly but don't ignore your work for me." The instant he said it he knew he'd misspoke. His wife was never one to ignore her work and any accusation of such behavior would certainly be met with anger on her side.

They stood in silence for a moment. She was taken aback by his words, trying desperately to convince herself that he was just unwell, perhaps he had been all day long and that was the cause of his odd behavior all day.

As he turned to go she decided to extend one more olive branch, in hopes that he would accept it and they could part for the night sure of their themselves.

"Mr. Carson, what about my goodnight kiss?" She asked, softening her smile.

"Well, um…we certainly cant down here." He said, stepping inside the door and hurriedly shutting her door. "Anyone could come in, it would be most inappropriate."

"More inappropriate than going to bed without kissing your wife?" She said, annoyance creeping into her voice.

"There is more to life than kissing. In fact we've lived the majority of our lives without kissing. I'm going to bed now."

"Charles!" she said standing up and looking at him, anger on her face.

Without looking back he left her sitting room quickly and going up to bed.

Standing alone in her sitting room she felt her heart drop as she listened to his footsteps walking away.


	3. Chapter 3

He was fast asleep by the time she finally came to bed. Sitting in bed, looking worriedly down at her slumbering husband she wondered how he could sleep so well when things had suddenly gone so wrong between them. How could he so easily dream when it felt like they were spiraling apart.

Finally unable to contain herself a moment longer and deciding that if sleep would not come to her he should not enjoy it either, she pushed on his arm gently to wake him.

"Charles."

He stirred slightly but refused to awaken.

"Charles!" She said, louder this time, pushing on him more firmly, her annoyance only increasing.

"Elsie, go to sleep. We've got to be up in a few hours." He mumbled, rolling onto his side and scooting away from her.

"Charles Edward Carson I swear if you do not get up and speak to me right now I shall walk out of this bedroom and never step foot in it again!"

At that Charles sat bolt upright, pushing himself up to lean against the headboard and rubbing his eyes to look at her fully. He felt a pang in his heart when he noticed the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Elsie, my darling." He said, gently reaching a hand out to wipe her tears.

"No!" She yelled, moving away from him as best the bed would allow. "Don't you dare try to comfort me when its you who made me this way."

"I'm sorry Elsie." He said laying his hands on the blanket before him, unsure what to do or say.

"Why Charles? Just tell me why? We've been so happy and now all of the sudden you are pushing me away like you used to do. I don't understand it. Just because I touched your arm at the breakfast table. It doesn't make sense!"

"I'm sorry but believe me its not you."

"Really? It bloody well feels like it. Do you regret this? Do you regret our marriage?" She asked, silent tears rolling down her cheeks unchecked.

"No! Elsie please believe me I could never regret our marriage. Its because I love you so much I pull away." He said taking her hands between his, squeezing them tightly trying to reassure her of his love.

"What?" she whispered, letting him hold her hands but refusing to look at him.

"Elsie, I've never known such love. I've never known such passion and desire before. When we touch…its like my entire body gets set on fire."

She turned her head away from him, blushing at his words.

"Truly when you touched my arm at breakfast I felt a heat over come me that was most unsuitable for a butler. And then I got angry Elsie. I got very very angry. This job has meant so much to me for so long but now I find it is the one thing that keeps me from what I truly want most in the world…which is you."

"We are together every day Charles, practically all day every day." She said finally looking at him, discovering similar silent tears welling in his eyes.

"But we are together like coworkers every day, not husband and wife. I cant kiss you on the cheek as I pass behind you, I cant put my hand on your waist as we go through a door. I cant touch you the way I want to touch you, because if I had my way I would touch you all day every day. And I cant. I can barely spend a few hours secluded with you and those bloody hours are meant to be sleeping! If we worked in a factory or a shop we could have weekends off, we could come home and be done before the sun was completely down. Instead we are up at sunrise and barely to bed before it rises again. We get a half day off once a week and never together. Never ever together and that angers me beyond belief. We could never take a trip to York together, the house would fall apart without at least one of us. We couldn't go away for the weekend to visit your sister. I cant be the husband you deserve because of this damn job and I'm so mad."

"Oh Charles," she said, brushing away the tears from his cheeks, "I know its hard but some day we will retire and we can be exactly how we like. This is only temporary."

"But Elsie, if I die tomorrow I will always regret the many hours we have spent not kissing, not making love, not touching." He said pulling her to his chest.

"Charles, we could have a lifetime together and it wouldn't be enough."

"Have you ever wondered why in bed at night just the action of you touching my hand leads to such passion? I spent so much time in my life not touching you, trying to not think about the beautiful curves beneath your uniform or the softness of your lips. But now…now I can never go back to that and the heat of your skin sets me completely afire. Sometimes all I can think of when you touch me is how badly I want you."

"Oh Charles, you make me blush." Elsie whispered.

"Does it make sense now, why I cant touch you downstairs? My reaction was a bit extreme and I'm sorry about that but I lose my mind when we touch and every where outside this room I have to be a butler and not a husband."

"I understand Charles. We must simply make sure that we get all of our caresses and kisses in while we are here in our bed, enough to tide my amorous husband over until we can return to it again."

With that Charles reached down and pushed his lips against the eager lips of his loving wife.


End file.
